⟢ hello, reader! long time no see ヾ(＠⌒ー⌒＠)ノ content warning for abuse!

i hope this finds you with a cortisol level lower than mine. i am alive! despite the horrors, of which there are many,

let’s imagine that every piece i’ve ever penned was a page in a speculative fiction and every poem was me recalling a room from memory. over the last ten years, the same themes kept popping up in different fonts: child is born to people who should not be parents (or together at all) → child is raised on red flags by people who were groomed into marriage (abuse is a sin; this is not abuse) → child is groomed into marriage (the meaning of your life is realised by giving it up)

in this edition, the protagonist was delusionally convinced she could write her way out of it. letters, skype messages, voice notes.. until a few chapters ago, there was something sooooo deeply and disgustingly coded in me to straighten crooked frames and shake sense into the people i wanted to see safe. i’ve been screaming myself sick about how important it is to understand there is no reason religious, cultural, or otherwise to stay in a situation you should not be in. in all of my screaming, i had stayed.

if this were the case, then the story has reached its end and i am its final girl (ungendered)™

i ran, out of ink and ideas. and like every final girl (ungendered)™ leaving the scene of the crime, i will find a family and a new home and cut the mats out of my hair and throw away the clothes i was wearing when it happened and scrub my skin til my eczema flares and try to be so very normal about everything. it’s actually quite anticlimactic and i cannot believe how expensive everything continues to get!!!! all this to sleep on a clean mattress…

i’m not sure what to make of this space, but for now this is where i’ll live online! i had to leave patreon because i was in a strange situation with privacy/safety. the dust hasn’t settled so this blog will probably stay under wraps while i figure out my next steps. i do know that writing keeps me sane so i’ll continue that here!

maybe game dev logs? book thots on booktok? most definitely politics + cooking forehead povs if i can figure out how to make that work outside of story format, reader i promise you i will be back with floured hands and egg wash bc i paid for this domain and god i’m going to get the use out of it!

if you’ve ever supposed me on patreon, i am endlessly grateful for you. there’s a free sub for life to this newsletter with your name on it, if you would like (*￣3￣)╭

thank you for reaching out thank you for sharing kind thoughts thank you for thinking of me thank you for believing me i am so delighted to be back!!!!! now we can finally get to work on the DSM-6 :’)

talk soon?
🥀 nashira